TAKING COMPLIMENTS....

Hands up if you take a compliment well. 

As I thought, not many hands raised. We are not taught to take compliments well. We try to explain why the compliment is not really meant. Sometimes we put this down to modesty, other times we distrust the giver of the compliment. What do they mean? Why are they saying this?

 Personal compliments such as 'You look nice today' -in our mind become 'Really think so? Because this is just an old shirt I found in the wardrobe, not ironed and has this mark down on the side here and ...'

Work compliments such as 'You did a great job today, they left really impressed' -  becomes 'Not really, I could have searched these databases, or else thought of asking what exactly about the term...'

And then there are the ones based on our writing.

'Really loved that story' becomes ' hmm yeah it's an old one and I don't know if it really works, I keep thinking if I changed the time frame and...'

Last week I went to a poetry event at Yarra Glen, run by Sandy Jeffs where I had the chance to be the feature poet. After a very hassled one hour drive straight from work, it was time to sit down, take a deep breath as the open stage begun.  Side note- yet again a very good open stage. Eclectic mix of people, styles, genres and forms of poetry.

After my 'performance' they had a Q and A session.  It is where the audience can ask the poet anything they want. It is often very interesting ---questions ranging from 'where did this poem come from' to 'what did you gain by writing this'.  

And then....compliments.

Learning to accept compliments is hard. That night I received compliments on not only my poetry, the work I shared, but also my delivery, my performance, the choice of poetry and the way I offered up my poems.

Instead of trying to negate these opinions, of wondering whether there was any need to mistrust their thoughts, I decided to take these 'compliments' as a compliment. I chose to accept their belief that they liked my work.  

It is nice to receive a pat on the back, to be told the work you had put into getting it all together, (the right poems, the delivery, planning it all down to certain degree) was worth it all. 

To be told that people valued what you offered is a truly great experience.

The hard part of course is simply learning to accept it, to smile and say thank you. 

Writing is such an isolated venture. You hope to capture something, you work on it, you edit, redraft, edit...re work and redraft, edit once more then if you are brave you send it out or you read it out loud to an audience. 

The aim, or my aim, is to connect with people. To see nodding heads in the audience, to have smiles or laughter (if intended), to have silence as everyone listens to what you are creating....this is the magic that we as writers have. 

My collection of short stories is available at work, yesterday someone wanted to re-borrow it because his wife hadn't finished it yet and needed to. 

Needed to. 

It made me smile. 

It made my day. 

Validation if often lacking in this world. So when a compliment comes along, take it for what it is. Someone's belief. Someone's opinion. Don't negate it, don't trample it into a mushy pile at your feet.

Smile.

Say thank you.

Let that buzz carry you for a few seconds. It won't be long till the world intrudes and you come back down to earth. Make the most of it.