WHAT DIDN'T WORK...AND WHY?

Last weekend I had the Christmas break up of my writing group. It was relaxing, fun, inspirational, motivating...the list goes on.

Not only does this last meeting for the year give us a chance to share yummy Christmassy food, but to look back over the year and celebrate the highs ( and the lows)...and for myself to wear reindeer antlers as I passed out the Kris Kringles.




I find it amazing how the goals I created at the beginning of the year, always seem to morph into some strange creature that I barely recognise. Even though I have them in my writing area staring moresly at me. 

The group looks at our individual goals, see what was achieved, where we took a detour or meandered, or where life took a left at Albuquerque and our best writing intentions were abandoned on the side of the road. 

Then it's time for the hard questions. Well for me they are hard. Okay....so I achieved this, decided that it wasn't the time to work on this, decided I wasn't ready or skilled enough to attempt this....now I try to explain (even if not out loud) what didn't work...and more importantly why.


Everyone knows I'm great at procrastination (which is perhaps why I spend an hour or so each writing day creating this blog----how's that for honesty!).  But it's time to really think, really work out the whys....

Looking at my goal list I had a lot of my goals ticked. They were done, to varying degrees....some were beginnings, others were works in progress....others were 'maybe not yet'.....so why did I feel disillusioned and disappointed in myself? 

Like I said tough questions. On paper  I was ....



Notice though the meandering lines and the ink blots in the image above. That is where I am.
I want more from myself.
I expect more from myself. 

I do know that I can't help what is happening in the publishing world, that I can't have goals listed as 'get this published' my best is to get it to 'a publishable standard'....but in all honesty I need more drive. 

More self discipline. More perseverance.

I give up too easily. After all that is the easiest path to tread. 

My writing group gives me the security in which to share my insecurities. To reveal exactly what I'm scared of, why my goals didn't work. 

And since we have quite a few weeks before we meet again, it gives me a chance to think what I can do to try and get myself to where I want to be as a writer. 




I think that is what having a group is all about. Not only friends, but people who we respect, admire, who we find inspirational but also there to give us a good kick up the bum when needed. Also where we can really open up, share our fears, insecurities, the dreads, the joys...but also make us think, really think what we are doing...why we are doing it....and if it isn't working what we can do differently.

Lets see if a month or two is enough thinking time for me to understand what I need to do.






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