GETTING OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY....

Last Wednesday I went to a workshop with Jon Bauer at the Victorian Writers Centre. It was dealing with, as the title suggests, getting out of your own way. In other words what is stopping you from doing the writing you want to do.

It was a good workshop, full of common sense and practical advice. As I made my way home (quick mention of train problems and that it took me three hours to arrive -very late- and then two hours to get home) I thought of what is stopping me from getting the work done.

It is easy isn't it...you have a rabble of words, you put them down in some sort of order and heh presto, you have written something.
Even if it is on the fridge door.

So the theory is basic. Put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard and get to work. But there is the crux...why aren't I working?

Is it too many options. I could write or hang out the washing, write or weed the garden, write or go for a walk....

In other words, procrastination - which frankly I'm damned good at.  Or is it because I'm afraid? Afraid that it is all a waste of time, that I'm getting nowhere and getting there fast. Is it because I want every word that I do put down to be exciting, wonderful, the best I've ever written?

I know part of it is the notion that I have a certain amount of time and it's ticking away. I have so many hours free so therefore I have to make the most of them, editing and redrafting seems a waste of time - I mean it's hard to see the end product amongst all that blood and gore.  And even though we all know that thinking is a major part of the writing craft...it often seems counter productive.

But in reality, these are all merely excuses. If I want to sit down and write crap, give myself permission to write and that it will be mostly banal erudite fluff- there will at least be a phrase, a sentence, even just an inkling of an idea that I can use.

I spent January writing a poem a day- 31 days later- not necessarily 31 poems but there are ideas in there- there are snippets of depth and texture that I can work on. Create something out of. I'm doing something similar similar this month (more of that in a later blog).

And after my two hour train journey home I came to the realisation there is one key factor stopping me from doing exactly what I want to do.

Yep, it's me. I admit I'm afraid I'm wasting my time. I admit to wondering if it's all worth while. I have the tick tock of time passing loud in my ears and while it's a cliche, I'm not getting any younger. I worry I'm not good enough. Worry that it's pointless. That I don't have the ability- the creativity- the determination needed.

So I'm working my way through it. Building some confidence...brick by brick....and hoping no one comes along to knock them all down.

Wish me luck.



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